Over once more
by Pooky1234
Summary: This is a story about Benny and Dean set during and after Citizen Fang.


Title: Over once more  
Author: Pooky1234  
Words: 1400  
Fandom: Supernatural  
Characters: Dean, Benny, mentions of Castiel  
Rating: PG-14  
Spoilers: Citizen Fang  
Warnings: Lots of angst  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters as they belong to Eric Kripke/CW; I'm just playing with them as i am with a few lyrics.

Notes: I heard the song Imperfections by Josh Osho and knew I had to write this. Originally I just wrote up to when Dean and Benny part before the hunter finds Benny but, after Dean told the vampire he couldn't be there for him, I wrote the end I really hope won't happen.

**Over once more**

'I've got to trust you.' Dean said. 'You've never given me a reason not to, unlike some people I could mention.' Dean tried to push thoughts of disloyalty to his brother to the back of his mind, no matter how true he sometimes knew they were.

Benny looked at the other man and tried to smile. He was grateful for all that Dean had done for him in Purgatory; they'd been a team, through thick and thin, and although he'd tried to push other feelings the man gave him away, they were there constantly pushing to be acknowledged, wanting out, wanting to breathe the air they now shared on the outside. Dean made him think about things he'd never considered before, even in his long life; he longed to reach out to the man who he called brother and hold him, be held by him as they'd held on to each other during their long nights together just this side of hell. But he wasn't stupid. Now that they were out things were different; he was different and the most he could hope for from Dean was that he would let him go, as long as he could subdue his unnatural inclinations.

'Will you be alright?' Dean asked, almost in a whisper. Benny let his true form appear. His teeth protruded, all sharp and pointed, his eyes narrowed, his reason to place his lips on the hunter's neck now two fold.

'The signs of who I am are on my face and others bear the scars of my mistakes, those that still live. I had to go back and try to save her. I hoped that she'd be my second chance but it wasn't to be so now I'm back to depending on me.' The '_and you'_ remained an unspoken hope. 'I've repented of every sin, brother. You got me out of there and now I need to make a new life but I'm not perfect Dean, and you understand that.'

'If you kill I will find you Benny, and if I don't Sam will. My little brother should never be underestimated.' His hand hovered over Benny's arm as if it was unable to work out who was comforting who.

'If I need you; if I feel like I'm slipping, I'll call you. For all my imperfections I know that I have you, brother. Sometimes you're all that stands between me and the fool I once was. We're both wiser, both stronger than we were. We had to be to survive Purgatory. I know you miss him.' Dean looked at his feet not knowing what to say, not wanting to remember the pain he felt leaving his angel behind in that place. He'd prayed to Cas as he had done in that hell, but there was nothing. Benny moved closer into his space but he held his ground.

'You helped me to survive that place, Dean. You helped me here as well but I don't want to miscalculate what I can do, what I can endure on my own. I've cheated and I've lied for hundreds of years and finally I feel clean but every day there'll be more temptations to survive.' He placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. 'I'm still afraid, brother. I'm still afraid that I'm not worth the risk you took; afraid you won't resent that I got out and he didn't. I can never replace him, I know that. I know you feel the same.'

Dean shook his head. 'I couldn't get him out. I wanted to but sometimes I think that I'm meant to have the troubles of the world on my shoulders. I've got to go back to Sam, to my old life. You know that you're important to me. For a while you were all that stood between me and a fool as well. That fool wanted it all to be over, had no hope left. You gave me hope, made me stronger, even when Cas pushed me away. You never did.'

Benny realised that this was as near as Dean was going to get to acknowledging what they'd been to each other in that place. For a moment they held each other with a look that said everything but instead of reaching forward Dean stepped back, the sorrow at what he'd lost overwhelming him once more.

'Dean, for all my past mistakes you know me, this me, not the me I once was. You've survived so much and remained a good man. I see in your reflection the man I want to be. My life, my hope, burns more brightly because of you. You gave me the hope that now I'll be able to cope with who and what I am, because I'm more than a little bit wiser.'

Now Benny did close the space between them and take Dean in his arms. He hugged him tightly before letting him go and walking away.

'Be good, Benny,' Dean shouted.

'I will but if I can't I know you'll be there for me. Despite my imperfections I have you, don't I?'

Dean nodded and then he too walked away. He hoped that Benny would understand when he had to choose. He knew that Sam would never understand how he felt about Benny. To Sam he was simply a vampire to be dealt with, not a man trying to do his best to survive.

'I understand, brother,' Benny told him knowing that it was just a matter of time before he fell. Dean had made his choice and he did understand. He still understood as he looked at the body in front of him, crumpled and bloody. It didn't matter that the man was bad, that he'd beaten on his wife and kid, that it was kill or be killed, Benny knew that it was an excuse to feed and he had. He sat by the body and waited for the brothers to arrive. He wanted it to be Dean. It was time to go. Dean had survived hell and perhaps he could too. The sharpened stake lay beside him ready to be used.

Dean Winchester entered the barn and surveyed the scene. He'd argued all the way there with Sam about how they were going to deal with this. He'd insisted that Sam let him go in first. He knew what Benny would want him to do; they'd talked about this and he'd agreed to be the one if the time came.

'I'm sorry, brother,' Benny said looking up at his salvation.

'I know,' Dean said. 'Are you sure this is what you want?'

'Yes, I'm sure.' He looked at the man in front of him, hiding nothing. 'Have you heard from him?' They both knew who he meant.

'Yes, he appeared and now he's gone again.' Dean could read the questions in the other man's face. 'It's a long story and he's gone again now and not listening to me. I don't know why.'

'Really? Some time you two are going to have to face up to reality and how you feel about each other. No-one else will ever mean as much to you.' Dean looked at his feet and nodded almost imperceptibly. Benny pressed the stake into his hand.

'Please take this and end everything. You promised me that you would if I asked.' Tears poured down the faces of both men. Dean took the vampire into his arms, their lips touched briefly and their eyes said all that they needed to say to each other as he plunged the stake into the other man's heart.

He shut the door to the barn and walked to the Impala where Sam waited. He turned on the music, revved the engine and drove without ever looking back. It was over once more.


End file.
